I Can Feel It
by KelseyLoVe
Summary: OneShot: Sookie is tired of all the pain in her life. She tries to run away from everything, but he always finds her. Sookie/Eric


Title: I Can Feel It

Author: Kelsey LoVe

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from the Sookie Stackhouse/SVM novels or the True Blood TV series. I'm simply borrowing them for a minute for my, and hopefully others', enjoyment. The song used is called "Closer" by Kings of Leon. I obviously don't own that either.

Summary: OneShot. Sookie finally comes to a decision about her relationship with Eric. It takes place sometime after book 7 All Together Dead. Eric/Sookie. No specific time.

Author's Note: The song "Closer" inspired me to write this. I strongly encourage you to listen to it while you read. It sets the mood very nicely. Also it's just an awesome song. Look it up. : ) This is my first fanfic in quite some time. I used to write Buffy fics long ago and more recently dabbled in Veronica Mars. I'm also working on another more indepth Eric/Sookie story. Hopefully I'll get Chapter One of that up soon.

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I was just sick of it. I had put up with more than one human being should have to deal with in a lifetime in the past few years. It isn't like me to have such a pity party, but I was fed up. All of the things I was forced to do that had hardened me and made me a different person. All of the people who had deceived me and lied to me face, hurting me over and over. My heart and mind were both calloused in a way they hadn't been before. I'd always had to be tough because of my disability, but this was different in so many ways. The blame was somewhat my own, that's for sure. I had wanted some excitement in my dull life, and to say I'd gotten more excitement than I'd bargained for was a serious understatement. It hurt to think of myself 4 years ago. I didn't like to remember life as it was then, because it reminded me of how screwed up everything was now.

There was no one in my life now. Maybe I hadn't had many before, but I'd had my family, who even semi-accepted me, and a few friends. Now I felt alone and it was eating away at me. And while in my heart I was alone, in reality I hardly ever was. There was always someone around who wanted something. A task I needed to perform, a favor to ask or some type of pleasure to be fulfilled, whether it be sex or blood, or both. I'd reached my limits and I needed to get away somewhere, anywhere.

Anywhere that was inhabited with people I didn't know and who didn't know me, and thus people who couldn't hurt me. Not like the people who stood in my life every day. Those were the ones who caused me so much pain. I didn't want to hurt anymore.

So I got in my car and I drove. I didn't hardly pay any attention to which direction I went. I had a couple days off in a row, so if I got lost I should have time to find my way back. I wasn't sure I'd want to come back. After a couple hours on the road, just listening to the radio and trying not to think of anything too serious, I saw lights ahead in what looked like a small town. The sun had set sometime during my drive and I pulled into the parking lot of this town's version of Merlotte's. It wasn't often that I craved a drink, but this was one of those times. It was a fairly warm Spring evening and I was wearing tight blue jeans, a red tank top and pumps. I went inside and found a seat at the bar. I now knew what strangers felt like when we stared at them as they walked into the bar in Bon Temps.

I ordered my usual gin and tonic, and effectively tuned out all of the thoughts in the bar. I closed my brain down for business even further when I downed the glass as soon as the bartender sat it in front of me. I had him bring me another, which I sipped, but on my empty stomach, I already felt my body becoming tingly and my inhibitions dissipating.

My ears caught the beginning of a song coming from the jukebox. Something about it pulled me up out of my seat and called me out onto the dance floor, where only a few couples were dancing. The sound of the music made me sway and rock slowly with its circular beat. The singer's tortured, scratchy voice made me ache inside.

_Stranded in this spooky town_

_Stoplights are swaying _

_And the phone lines are down._

_This floor is crackling cold. _

_She took my heart, I think she took my soul_

_With the moon I run _

_Far from the carnage of the fiery sun._

As I moved on the floor to the steady pounding beat, my eyes closed and my hips twisting, I felt him. Not physically, but inside of me. Of course he would try to find me. If anyone would find me it'd be him. I continued my dance, my eyes half-lidded, letting the music guide me. I did my best to ignore the strengthening of the feelings inside of me. His conflicted feelings inside of me.

_Driven by the strangle of vein, _

_Showing no mercy I do it again._

_Open up your eyes, _

_You keep on crying baby I'll bleed you dry_

_Skies they blink at me, _

_I see a storm bubbling up from the sea_

Suddenly, I got a different feeling, one of eyes boring into me from only yards away. I turned away from where I felt his energy coming from and where I knew he stood watching me.

_And it's coming closer._

_And it's coming closer._

My movements became almost angry, more sharp. I didn't like that he'd followed me, and yet I couldn't fight the calm that settled over me in his presence. The frustration of it was driving me crazy. I didn't know how much more of this rollercoaster I could take. I blinked. A tear dropped out of my eye, hit my cheek and then it was gone. I looked up and he was standing directly in front of me staring into my soul.

_You shimmy shook my bones, _

_Leaving me stranded all in love on my own_

_Do you think of me? _

_Where am I now? Baby where do I sleep? _

_Feel so good, but I'm old, _

_2000 years of chasing's taking its toll._

He looked so pained, so tired, just as I felt. Something had to change; I had to do something. This thing between us was threatening to kill us both just from the sheer anguish of it.

_And it's coming closer._

_And it's coming closer._

As I stared into his eyes, both of us motionless on the dance floor, I realized something vitally important. I had been lied to and deceived by nearly every man I could think of. They had all hurt me in the worst way possible, getting as close to me as they could and then pulling everything out from under me. Bill. Alcide. Quinn. Even my brother and Sam had let me down at times. So many had wanted to use me for so many different reasons.

_And it's coming closer._

_And it's coming closer._

But this man, who stood in front of me hadn't lied to me. His use of me had been few and far between, truly I had used his services at least as often as he had used mine. He had protected me from being used against my will for the rest of my existence by Andre. He had asked for nothing in return for that. There were things he wanted from me, of course, but he hadn't forced me to give them to him when he so easily could have. He was the most worthy of giving my love and trust to out of all of them.

For some reason, however, this just made it even more difficult to do that very thing. And what if I was wrong? I'd been wrong with all of the rest of them. My heart didn't share that concern, as it was completely satisfied by my evaluation of him. Besides, I knew that especially now that we were bound, he couldn't lie to me. I'd know it instantly.

Abruptly, I turned on my heel and stalked back to the bar. I grabbed my purse, threw a $20 bill on the counter and headed for the door. I made it outside to my car, breathless, and leaned against the driver side door. Again I felt him, but I could tell he was far away, standing just outside the entrance. He wouldn't pursue me further if I didn't acknowledge him, and I knew this because I felt it inside me. He was going to let me go. I felt the intense agony coming off of him in waves. My head rested against the cool glass as I took deep, staggering breaths that made me shake. And then the waves changed, and I stood up straight. It was as if the feeling he was sending me could speak, it was so strong. It was love. It made my choice even more clear than it already was. I could continue living in pain and fear, with the ever mounting frustration making me crazy, or I could turn around and give in. Both were terrifying prospects in their own right, but I knew now that I just couldn't walk away from him. It wasn't the bond that made me turn to face him.

"Eric…" I whispered, and I felt a slight wind that blew my hair out of my eyes as he spanned the gap between us instantly. He stood before me and I felt hope, anticipation, anxiousness.

"Yes?" he asked, his voice choked. He was literally humming with energy, but he kept his hands at his side, and stayed a good foot away from me.

"You know why I'm scared of this, right?" I asked.

He was silent only a second, the answer came very naturally, "Yes. You fear I will disappoint you like all of the others."

I nodded slowly, "That is a big part of it yes, but there's something else." His eyebrows furrowed together, but he remained silent. I took that to mean he had no other guesses. "I'm scared because if you did… disappoint me, like the others… well, these feelings that I have are so strong… I've been deeply hurt each time my relationships in the past fell apart, but I've managed to keep going. It's hurt, more than I could describe, especially Bill…" I swallowed, feeling as though I tore the Band-Aid off of that pain for just a second, "But I've always thought I could overcome it, if given enough time. And for the most part I have."

I looked up at Eric then, and I saw both understanding and a fire behind his eyes. It was extreme anger over the pain I had been through and a desire to seek retribution for that pain. My hand extended to touch his arm instinctively, and I hesitated only a second before actually grasping his wrist. I made myself calm down and this, coupled with my physical touch, calmed him as well. I needed him to be calm and able to listen clearly for what I was going to say next. I took a deep breath in and out of my lungs.

"With you, Eric, it's different, for so many reasons," I said. "There's the blood bond between us, of course, but we both know that only amplifies what's already there. It gives our feelings a direct path to each other. I feel you inside of me all the time." I shivered as I said it and gripped his arm tighter in reaction to that reality. One that I hadn't wanted to admit even to myself. "But there's more to it than that. There's this gut feeling I have about you, about us… That I'm supposed to be with you. That I just fit with you. And that feeling has been there since before I bonded with you. Since we bonded, it's only gotten stronger. Every time I see you… I'm…" I said, looking down at the ground and fumbling for a word that could describe the feeling accurately.

"Home," Eric supplied, and his voice was raspy and low, but warm.

That was it. I looked up at him, "Yes. Home. I feel home when I'm with you. I feel like myself. I feel accepted and understood." The corner of my lips turned up in a half smile and shook my head, "I mean, I just have fun when I'm with you. I don't have fun with anyone anymore it doesn't seem."

I stopped for a moment, running out of things to say at the time. "Sookie," Eric said, taking a half step closer, "What does all of this mean?" He had been very patient through all of my ramblings, so I couldn't be annoyed by his question in the slightest.

"It means… That I'm tired of avoiding you. I'm tired of trying to pretend I don't have feelings for you. I'm tired of fighting against that feeling of home I get when I'm with you," I said.

At this he took another step towards me and cupped my cheek with his hand, "You mean it?"

I nodded, "Yes. Please don't ever let me regret it."

"Never," he said, and I felt that that single word was a promise I could bank on. "I will never lie to you. I couldn't. And I'll never leave your side as long as you want me there. I will do everything in my power to never let anyone else hurt you."

Sincerity and assurance and safety enveloped me and filled me with happiness. I reached my hands up behind his head and pulled him down to meet me. He was gentle and caring as he caressed my lips with his own. His hands found my waist and lifted me up so that I could wrap my legs around him and kiss him with more ease. I ran my hands through his hair and he held me tightly to him, as close as possible. It was a very long time before he let me go, and even longer time before I would go back to Bon Temps. I had a new home now, and that was wherever Eric was.

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Let me know what you think! I'm looking forward to getting back into writing more. : ) Encouragement is always nice.


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